I’ve come to the unfortunate conclusion that I believed a lie for sixteen and a half years.
Parents: “What is the number one priority?”
Me: (timidly) “Education.”
My life becomes more stressful than ever from August 31st to June 10th. The reason for this? I have been trained my entire life to become an educational machine. I can shove information into my brain, and spit it out once the test passes. If my machine malfunctions at any point, as it often does (it is a 1999 model after all), my life is completely restricted. I can’t attend church. I can’t do homework outside of my bedroom. I can’t exercise. I can’t go anywhere besides school, the grocery store, and my room. While one would think this would make me more apt to raise my grades, it does but the opposite. This method of punishment works wonders on my anxiety fluxes and hormonal balance (or the lack thereof).
The new season
Two years ago when asked what my number one priority is by my parents, I would without a doubt give some variation of the answer in the above dialogue. Two weeks ago when my dad asked me that question as my AP U.S. History grade slipped into a 73%, I answered something he was clearly not content with. I said, “God. Then reading my Bible. Then family. Then other relationships. Then church. Then my community. Then education.” This answer is something that I have deeply contemplated and meditated on for months now. I came to the realization that my future is in God’s hands, & while I will do my best to succeed, I shouldn’t be so consumed in my “accomplished future” that I don’t even have time to talk to God before I go to bed at night. I’m not worried about getting a job that pays well or gives me a good reputation. I’m on this Earth to live for Him & Him alone. If it is God’s will for me to be homeless, honestly, so be it.
GOD IS OMNIPOTENT. HE DOES EVERYTHING FOR THE GREATER GOOD. JUST RELAX.